Today's Top Stories

Miley Cyrus - I'm sick of young pop stars being provocative and I'm sick of people talking about it. Perhaps if there was less attention given, then the girls would stop doing it. Because isn't that why the girls do the skanky photos in the first place...to get the attention...whether good or bad? (That's a rhetorical question. The answer is "yes".) Check out the link here.

Knocked Up - Remember when they took all those girls away from that polygamist ranch? Turns out over half are pregnant. Sick. Here's the story.

Phill Collins - He retired from the music biz. I'm kind of sad about that. He sang some decent stuff in those Disney movies...like Tarzan.

Tila Tequila 2? - My brother just told me that miss bi-sexual is going on MTV again because apparently she wasn't convinced the first time around that the opposite sex really is better. Unbelievable.

Food Shortage - Apparently there is a rice shortage...maybe even an entire food shortage...but not really. I think Stephen Colbert explains this story the best...

It's about halfway through this video... (Threat #2)

Jennifer (Uncensored)

I've been watching a lot of Comedy Central Presents stand up comics with my brother lately. I find it humorous that on the DVDs they add the "uncensored" part. Don't ask me why.
So this blog will be me. All me, baby. I'm not leaving anything out. I'm uncensored.

The other day my mom asked me whether I would have better hygiene and be more well mannered if I had a boyfriend. I found this incredibly humorous. She honestly thinks that if I had a boyfriend that I would brush my teeth and shave my legs more frequently? And that I'd keep my room clean? And eat without talking with my mouth full? Not a chance. Whatever boy is willing to put up with me is gonna have to deal with the real me...uncensored. I'm not gonna change and be all girly and proper just so that four months later my true self shows through and he goes, "What the crap?! Who is this girl?!"
Then again... maybe the reason I haven't had a boyfriend in over a year is BECAUSE of these very reasons!

Yeah. That's probably true.

But it's true that I am like that. I'm not making this up just to entertain my blog readers. Take for instance the other day. I was out to eat with my guy friend and he was almost done with his burger when he held it up and asked, "So is this one bite or two?" I was like, "Easy. One." (It was kind of a big piece). He laughed. I said, "Listen buddy, with me, there are no etiquette rules." He told me he liked that. And then ate it in two bites.

In four weeks I'm graduating from college. I'm going to be so bored. I need to find a job. But at the same time, I just don't want to start looking yet. I'm not willing to really become an adult yet. Part of me just wants another year to be goofy.

I mean, when a girl about to graduate from college spends her evening alone trying on prom dresses that don't fit her anymore, ya gotta wonder...is she really mature enough to hand a "real grown up" job? I'm not so sure, people.

My room is a mess. But I like to think that the clutter adds character. If my room was always clean and organized it'd be awfully boring of me. I think I might be the only one who does this, but sometimes I walk into my room in the eyes of a stranger. I think to myself, "Okay. Now imagine you're dead and the police are walking into your room to investigate. What would they find?" And I'd tell you what they find. Clothes. Everywhere. Shoes. Everywhere. I'd have my laptop on with some ridiculous away message up on AIM. I'd have my camera and cell phone conveniently placed nearby. Books scrambled everywhere. Pictures of close friends on the walls. You'd be able to tell what kind of scents I'm into with all the bottles of perfume and lotions on the dresser. You'd be able to tell that I can't throw anything away because I'd have random ticket stubs and pamphlets laying around that no normal person would carry around. They'd immediately be able to tell that I am a literature nut with books piled up on shelves. Oh, and they'd probably wonder why I have so many purses. But see...all this stuff...wouldn't be able to notice this as well if my room was clean.

I've become addicted to caffeine again. Don't tell my mother. If I don't get some massive amount of chocolate (Thanks Easter Bunny) or a caffeinated drink I get a headache. My sleep schedule is all messed up thanks to my NYC trip. I stayed up too late and had a weird eating schedule in NYC and it's come back to haunt me here in Dayton. I feel like a real college kid. Way to go, Jen, with only a month of school left and you finally know what it's like to be a college student.

Surprises

Life is full of surprises. I know that. Here are some things that have happened lately that should surprise me, but don't...

• My grandparents and almost my entire family forgetting my birthday. Should this surprise me? Maybe. I AM family. However, it doesn't.
  
• A blizzard in march in Ohio. Surprising? I'd like to think spring is right around the corner, but it's Ohio. So I expect snow could be here tomorrow. And by the following day be 60 degrees out.

Things that DO surprise me, but shouldn't...

• The friendly hello from the mailman I received as I was outside shoveling the driveway. People aren't very friendly these days. I was surprised, but it seems like this should be expected behavior.
• The friendships I've built at the Flyer News. Certain people there have added an interesting spin to my life. I wasn't so sure I'd make friends at UD, so this is surprising.
• I'm graduating in less than three months. I've known the date of my graduation for a year, but this still seems all so sudden!
  

Respect the Birthday

Today is my birthday.
As the clock struck midnight I found myself dancing alone in my underwear in my bedroom.
There was no music playing.
I had my own song playing in my head. It happens a lot.
I always have my own song to dance to. I'm always a bit different than the rest. Dancing to the sound of another drum. Or something.
Then my cell played a little beep and I received a text from a certain someone. It brought a smile to my face. Because someone was paying attention to the clock. Just like me.

I've found, however, that the older I get, the more depressing the birthdays become. I'm a firm believer in celebrating the day someone gets older. It's one more year they've survived. One more year I've gotten to know them, etc. However, people stopped sending me as many birthday cards after I turned 16. The phone calls didn't come as numerous either. Apparently we Americans only celebrate the youth.

Then I wonder, why do we celebrate birthdays in the first place? It just so happens two decades ago I was born. Whoop dee doo. If anyone should be getting the attention, it should be my mom...she did all the work after all.

Despite the fact that I have no plans for my birthday this year (the only plans I did have I had to cancel, unfortunately) I shall rise to the occasion. If that means I bring balloons and cupcakes to wherever I go to celebrate, then so be it. Because darnit, I'm proud that I've survived this long on earth and I'm gonna enjoy myself.

Analyzing Away Messages

I began chatting on AOL when I was about 10. At that time I think you were pretty much stuck with three away messages: "I am currently away from my computer right now." "I'm out for lunch." or "I'm playing a game that takes up the entire screen." or something like that. But then something happened and AOL let you make your own away messages. So for the past 10 years I've been a regular chatter on AOL Instant Messenger. Sometimes I use Gmail. I tried MSN. But I still revert to AOL. And I find the away messages people come up with fascinating. It says a lot about a person.

For instance...

The Loser
These people are still too lazy to come up with anything for their message and still uses the default, "I"m currently away from my computer right now."

The Obsessive
The person who is constantly saying what they're doing at that.exact.moment. These are fun if you're in the stalking mood. It usually goes something like, "Lunch. Then class 3-5. Then Meijer. Then gym. Then TV." It's like you could totally stalk them down at Meijer if you so desired.

The Quoter
Every message is a quote. This has been my style lately. I'm not going to be a loser. And I'm not going to tell you exactly where I am. So lets just do a quote that I'm in the mood for. Sometimes the quotes can be really off the wall. And sometimes people don't put the quotation marks around the quote so you don't know if its them being really witty or odd or if its someone else they stole it from. One time my friend had a rather offensive away message...turns out it was a joke from some online video he saw.

The Ambiguous
People leave these away messages when they find something that happened in their own life so great or terrible, that they put it as their away message, but it totally makes no sense to anyone else. For example: "Ten purple turtles! HAHAHAHA" or "I can't believe he just did that..." I'm starting to think this is a tactic that gets people to IM them. Smart.

The Forgetful
These are the people who completely forget to put a message up and drive me crazy. You IM them and an hour later they go, "Oh, hey". Oh hey, yourself, jerk.

The Simplifier
These are the easiest to deal with. They usually are, "I'm not here." "Out." or "Gone." They speak it like it is. They aren't too informative, but you know not to bother to IM them until they come back. It's a classic. And it's how away messages should be.

Are there any other categories I'm forgetting?

Time on my Hands

Like most college students, I have a Facebook. And like most college students with Facebook, I post ridiculous photos or videos of myself for my 300 "friends" to see. So it isn't unusual to once in a while receive a comment telling me I have too much time on my hands.
I have never given too much thought to that phrase... until now.
What does that even mean?
Well, let me translate for you.
"You have too much time on your hands." is equivalent to "You just wasted your time." "You have no sense of what is important in life." "You are ridiculous."
I, however, believe that my photos and videos are rather entertaining. It doesn't take long in these modern times to upload a video or a photo onto your site, so in reality, my three minute video probably only took 45 minutes to make and put on the Internet.
Besides, what am I supposed to be doing with my time? Studying? Are you kidding me? It's my last semester. I have more important things to do.
Like blog.

Elevator Chatter

I've grown up with the belief that elevators are awkward.
First of all, it's really bad if you have to cram a bunch of people in the elevator. You don't know anyone and it's definitely bursting someone's bubble.
Second of all, the music is always bad. Who listens to smooth jazz outside an elevator?
Third, you would be considered insane if you stood facing the back of the elevator.
And lastly, there's no way to come up with pleasant conversation to break the awkward silence when you're only going up a few floors.
Or is there?
Last week I walked into an elevator with a presumed professor and two college students.
The professor smiled at the three of us as she pressed the the numbered floors we requested.
"You know what my husband said to me when he called this morning?" she asked.
I was hoping she knew the two boys, otherwise this woman was incredibly random. I looked at the two boys; they looked as stunned as I was.
"My husband called and said that our daughter had fallen off a bridge," she paused to get a reaction out of us.
I dropped my jaw a bit to satisfy her, even though I was pretty sure I didn't give a crap.
"On the playground!" the professor finished, laughing at her humorous story.
The two guys and I chuckled politely as the professor got off at the second floor.
The elevator doors closed.
"Yeah, I did that joke when I talked about my grandkids once," said one of the college-aged boys.
The other one was now playing along, "Oh really? God, what are you? 70? You look good for your age."
The elevator stopped at the next floor, they walked out, continuing their joking banter.
It was one of the oddest elevator rides I had ever been on.
Then there was yesterday.
I was on campus, walking by the elevator, when I saw a student walking into the elevator, rolling a cart.
"Yeah, I decided to take the elevator today, didn't feel like the stairs," the boy joked, obviously thinking he was a riot pretending that he'd take a cart on the stairs.
Where do these people come up with this stuff?
Here I thought elevators were awkward and silent, but these past few weeks have proved me wrong.
It's making me want to be lazy and take the elevator more often!