Tossed by the wind

Wisdom.

We'd all be a little bit better off if we had it and then used it.

Last year I was having a hard time hearing God's wisdom. I didn't know what to do. (I was especially conflicted because what I thought was different versus what my parents thought.)

Then I come across James.

James says:

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. James 1:5-6

So I thought, "God, I don't want to be tossed around like the sea. I believe! I believe you will give me wisdom!"

So I asked. And I asked. And I asked. Eventually I figured out what God wanted and did it, but I didn't understand WHY I had to do it. It took me almost six months before I understood why God told me to make a certain decision.

Then at church on Sunday, we studied that same verse. The verse that I had so often looked to and engrained in my brain by writing it on post-it notes and scribbling it on my arm and writing in my journal...you get the point. And guess what. The word "doubt" is literally translated to mean something like "divided mind."

Oh.

Here's the thing... our emotions often get in the way. When the emotions get involved, we can justify just about any action we want. We can honestly believe that God wants - even yearns - to share His wisdom with us, but if our minds and hearts are not fully surrendered to God, we're not truly going to see it His way.

Looking back, I know I was holding onto certain things in my life that was blocking me from receiving the wisdom God wanted me to have. Despite the fact that I really wanted to know God's heart, MY heart was conflicted. I didn't really say, "I'm good with whatever you say." No. Because if God had said something that I didn't want to hear, I ignored it. I twisted it in my situation so it didn't sound as bad. I delayed obedience. And delayed obedience is still disobedience, folks.

So if you're going through a trial right now...whatever it may be...be honest with yourself. Before you can receive wisdom, you need to truly surrender EVERYTHING in your life to God. You need to trust that no matter the answer God gives, you're going to be blessed obeying.

That's So Shway

I came across this story on Digg and couldn't stop laughing. Not gonna lie. I really wish I could have written this story.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/05/the-greatest-news-lede-that-will-ever-be

A Blogging Nomad

I am apparently a blogging nomad. I can't decide between here and Tumblr or just blogging straight onto Facebook. I can import all my blogs directly to Facebook, so that's easy for my readers I suppose. Too bad I can't decide though.

Real reason I'm blogging is because I've decided to bring "shway" back. After talking to a friend of mine who reminded me of using this phrase, I decided I should bring the phrase back after a long hiatus...

That's So Shway

I saw this on Tumblr. And now I desperately want one.

Minnie Mouse candy apples at Disneyland! I've gone to Disney WORLD over a dozen times, but only to DisneyLAND twice. Looks like I need to return to California after all.

"I'll have you"

The television series, LOST, and Christianity have been compared a lot.
And it’s easy to see why.
There’s a strong sense of having a faith in the show. This may be faith in Jacob or the mysterious island or even themselves. There’s also a strong theme of good versus evil. In the final season, the episode “Dr. Linus” shows what I believe to be one of the most beautiful scenes yet in the series.

The dialogue that gets me is at the end of the clip:

Ben: “I was so angry. Confused. I was terrified that I was about to lose the only thing that ever mattered to me: my power. But the thing that really mattered was already gone. I’m sorry that I killed Jacob. I am. I do not expect you to forgive me, because I can never forgive myself.”

Ilana: “Then what do you want?”

Ben: “Just let me leave.”

Ilana: “Where will you go?”

Ben: “To Locke.”

Ilana: “Why?”

Ben: “Because he’s the only one that’ll have me.”

Ilana: “I’ll have you.”

That scene is probably a slightly different take than what most people see when it comes to Christian parallels in the show, but I love it. Oftentimes, people make the mistake of putting their faith in the wrong things. For Ben, he put his faith in Jacob. He did everything for this guy - including sacrificing his daughter. He did a lot of stupid things because what did he want? Power. How many things do we humans sacrifice so we can have power? For me, power may be sacrificing things so others will approve me and like me. In the end, this always gets me nowhere. Ben tells Ilana how he is so discouraged now that he has nothing. He’s broken and ashamed. I know this feeling. Ben feels he has no one to turn to, but Locke. And I’m pretty sure Locke isn’t going to have what Ben wants either.

The way Ben feels is oftentimes how it feels without God’s love. We feel no one can love us after all the crap we’ve done. But Ilana forgives, despite all the hurt Ben has caused her. The way Ilana accepts Ben at the end when she says, “I’ll take you,” is so beautiful to me. It reflects exactly how I feel about God’s love for me. When I have no one else there, God is still there with his arms open saying, “I’m here, Jennifer.”

What this clip doesn’t capture is the way Ben almost blindly follows Ilana after the dialogue ends. He doesn’t know how to accept this forgiveness Ilana is portraying. So he silently followers her back to the beach. It’s exactly how Christians feel. We are often overwhelmed with the love and forgiveness of God, but we follow Him because that is all we truly have in the end.

Blog It Out

I recently asked a friend if she had been journaling much lately. This isn't an odd question, because I know she used to journal rather frequently. She responded she had not. I found this interesting because I have also been abstaining from journaling recently. For those of you who do not know me well, I have kept a journal (or diary, if you want to call it that) since I was 12-years-old. It's an outlet I need to express myself, to make sense of myself, and it's also nifty when I have to go back to keep track of certain events in my life. So it's odd for me to not want to write in my journal.

Today I was talking to a different friend and asking, "Why is it that I can't write? Why don't I journal when I'm going through so much right now?" Our discussion led to the conclusion that when I journal, I write the truth. The honest truth. It tends to shed things into a light that I don't necessarily want to see or hear myself say. We realized there are no boundaries in personal journaling. Thus, when there are certain things I am going through that I am having a hard time dealing with, or there's just SO much going on that I can't even keep track of it all, I sometimes will not write in my journal.

Blogging, on the other hand, allows us to express ourselves in a manner that gets an emotion or thought out, while having the boundary of having others read it. This means we are still writing it in a manner that is true - but without the ugly, honest, soul baring truth we can't endure. Essentially, blogging gets the job done when journaling cannot.

However, I will admit that once I finally break that barrier and just start journaling about everything, it's so good and cathartic and I eventually have no problem. But it's just breaking that barrier and starting to journal again that is the problem. I think maybe blogging is a good first step.

Anyways, you guys probably don't care. But I had to blog it out.

Maybe I can journal now.

Things I learned about TV while being sick

So I randomly woke up and needed to puke several times early Saturday morning. So that resulted in me being very sick for the day and having nothing to do but lay on my couch for at least 10 straight hours to avoid the waves of nausea that happened every time I moved. This is what I learned while watching TV for way too many hours:

1) The British Office is on at 4 a.m. on Cartoon Network. I don't find it funny when I'm healthy. I need closed captions to understand their thick accents. And I don't find it funny when I'm ill, either.

2) At 6 a.m. when I'm feeling like death, I will watch anything - even the black and white movies on TCM with my father. It also helped me fall asleep every now and then.

3) The children of today are missing out with today's version of "saturday morning cartoons". I mean, seriously. No Doug? No Recess? Just some dumb Disney shows I've already

seen on the Disney channel and don't feel like watching again. There is no reason for kids to wake up early on Saturday mornings.

4) I got really excited that the old school Mighty Morphin Power Rangers show was at least on, but okay...what the heck? I had no recollection of when the power rangers would start fighting that words would fly up describing it. For instance, if Billy does a flip, the words "FLIP!" came on the screen. HAHA. That show is weird. I actually realized that I never really liked the Power Rangers; my brother did. The only reason I watched that show was because I wanted the Pink Ranger to hook up with the Red Ranger. I still do. I really wish I hadn't fallen asleep halfway through because I wanted to laugh at it more, but couldn't.

5) Apparently there is nothing good on TV on Saturday afternoons except sports. Because the UD game was very exciting and nothing else on kept me entertained. Thank God for Hulu.

6) Ratatouille on the Disney Channel reminded me how much I love that movie. It has a wonderful soundtrack to put me to sleep and is lovely to wake up to. I've decided I want to be a food critic like that creepy guy on there, Anton Ego. He has a typewriter. :)

Jen's Music of 2009

As the year comes to a close I started to realize how much music I had purchased/received this year. I finally made my own iTunes account this year, which probably explains how it got out of hand. It's not much compared to some people, but it's a lot compared to my music purchase history. So here's my music purchases in review:

Biggest surprise:
MewithoutYou's "It's all Crazy..." - It's so unique and has brilliant allegories. I never liked WMY until this album came out. Then I had to check out their other albums. I like :Brother, Sister" a lot. The others I can't get into yet.

Biggest Disappointment:
Apex Praise Band's "Live" album. Simply because they had to re-record all the vocals...not making it very "live".

Easiest Addiction:

Relient K's "Forget and Not Slow Down". I didn't realize much I missed these guys. I tend to associate their music with my high school days and stopped listening to their stuff, but their new album is indeed great and I haven't stopped listening to it in my car since I bought it.

But it wouldn't be fair if I didn't include Jon Foreman's EPs, because I can't stop listening to those either.

Took the Longest to Love:
MuteMath's "Armistice". I hated it. It didn't sound like MuteMath to me. Now I love it.

Best Soundtrack:
Away We Go. Touching, emotional movie. Touching, emotional soundtrack.

Best Song to Sing Along:
Arcade Fire's "Wake Up"

Best Single:
"How He Loves" by David Crowder Band (although many have told me other versions are good). This song got me through so many tough times this year.

Best Female Artist:
She & Him. I love Zooey's voice. And there are such sweet lyrics about that special someone. I made this category because I'm really pick about females singing.

Favorite Artist I Discovered This Year:
As Tall As Lions. Like, woah. Who knew I'd like the opening band for MuteMath so much!

Here's a list of all (of what I can remember) of the music I either purchased or received as a gift this year:

Anchor & Braille - Felt
Apex Praise Band - Live
Arcade Fire - Funeral
As Tall As Lions - As Tall As Lions
As Tall As Lions - You Can't Take It with You
Away We Go Soundtrack

Coldplay - LeftRightLeftRightLeft
David Bazan - Curse Your Branches
David Crowder Band - Remedy
David Crowder Band - How He loves (single)
Dustin Kenrue - Please Come Home
Feist - Let It Die
Feist - The Reminder
Jesse Remnant - The Human Cannonball
John Mayer - Battle Studies

Jon Foreman - Fall EP

Jon Foreman - Winter EP
Katy Perry - Hot N Cold (single)
Landon Pigg - Falling in Love At a Coffee Shop (single)
MewithoutYou - It's all Crazy! It's all False! It's All a Dream!
MewithoutYou - Brother, Sister
Monsters of Folk - Monsters of Folk
MuteMath - Armistice
Ocean's Eleven Soundtrack
Okay Lindon - Everything in Moderation
Relient K - Forget and Not Slow Down
She & Him - Volume One
Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack
The Ting Tings - We Started Nothing
Thrice - Beggars

The Thoughts Journal

For a while I have been visiting a particular park, walking down a particular path and finding myself sitting on the same particular bench. And I'll think. I'll pray. And I'll just take in the outdoors, marveling at how big this world is and how small I am.

About a week ago my friend told me that the very bench I've been visiting opens up and holds a Thoughts Journal. For over a year random people have written their thoughts inside. Oh friends, you do not understand the joy I felt learning this! The very next day I went to that park and had to hold myself back from running to the journal. It is totally English Major Geek of me to be so excited about a journal. However, if you didn't know, I've kept a journal since I was 12-years-old, so journals just have a special place in my heart. Well, writing in general does.

So back to that day I went to visit the journal. I walked down the path, and even though no one was around, I held back from running. As I quickly walked, I saw my familiar bench and sure enough, the journal was inside the bench. I sat and read all the pages, finding it funny that this unique journal today, was what people did a lot more before the Internet. It was like a blog. But with pen. And paper. Imagine that. I saw my friend's entry and then I began to write my own. Of course, it being the last day of November - it was a bit cold outside - so the pen's ink froze or dried out, I guess. So mid entry I had to stop writing. I had to go all the way to my car, get a pen (a journalist always has a writing utensil) and then go all the way back to the bench to finish. It was humorous.

This journal made me realize two things. One, I hope things like writing with a pen and paper never leaves our world. There's something beautiful about the literal written language and as awesome as computers are, they are stealing that beauty sometimes. Two, the excitement I felt when walking toward that journal is similar to the excitement that has been building up inside me as I anticipate heaven. I can't wait. It's something I haven't had in years and I'm so glad God has been instilling that feeling in me. I want it to be where I can't hold back any longer, that my joy and love for Jesus just runs free.